Lessons in Bonking

The Bomb, Cherry Gatorade, Coca-Cola

Dr Will is going to hate this one.  We’ll talk, the merits of the high quality fats that the nuts in his energy bars provide will surely be mentioned, as will the proper sugars of fruits and the lasting power of peanut butter. All I have to say is “yeah, I know,” however it was more desperate than that, 4.5 hours in, 3 Dr Will bars, 4 gels and I was feeling a bonk coming on. It’s a hard feeling to describe, a lingering look at a doughnut sign, a craving for salts and Trans, High Fructose, Saturated something or other fats. A tingling and aching in my neck and an empty-ness in my legs. At this point all I can recommend is going big. I mean really big, The Bomb, big.

940 calories, 378 from fat. 397 grams of which 40% is fat, that’s right, 160 grams of the artery clogging stuff. But don’t stop there, if you’re going to go big make sure to properly wash it down. I had two bottles of coke waiting for my burrito to warm up. Then I filled one more with coke and one with Gatorade. The fact that the clerk adhered to the pro rule* is surprising. So I sat outside on the curb marveling in the bajillion calories my $2.89 just bought me. I ate the burrito and saved the drink for the ride home. It’s amazing what this kind of shock treatment will do to your body. I was able to go really hard broken up by intermittent feelings of “ohhh crap I am going to see the bomb again.” But for the most part I was able to get home really fast and 1.5 hours later I was showering. And by showering I mean curled up on the bathroom floor lamenting the bomb.

But this is the dichotomy of going big. You know what’s going to happen but you do it anyway. It’s like having that last round of shots as the bar is closing. You know more than likely it’s going to just contribute to the hangover and spins and not really to the fun, but hey, there is that small chance you’ll be stumbling home and something awesome will happen and that shot will go to good use. In this case you know you have another hour and half of training. And you can let it go to waste as your body fights off the bonk. Or you can give it The Bomb, and make that last bit of training the most productive of your week. Sure you could have brought enough food in the first place, but hey, we’re beyond that point. So go big, to get home. Just remember you won’t be able to look at fake cheese sauce or coke the same for a month, but that’s probably a good thing anyway.

* Pro Rule: There is a long list of pro pules this one is the more specific “soda refill pro rule” which goes as follows. If you go into a 7-eleven (actually on a national scale Cirlce K is the worst and Chevron gas stations more often than not follow the pro rule) with your own water bottles and look destroyed enough you usually get free refills. It’s equal parts pitty, confusion on what to charge you, I don’t care enough about my job and get the awkward kid in bright spandex out of here as quick as possible.